And the winner is...ME!

3 years ago in June I had what seemed at the time to be a completely crazy idea. The process of preparing for medical school has been nearly as transformational as I imagine the actual experience will be. I cycled through many different life plans and ideas of what the next phase of my life would look like, I met new friends, learned a lot and had some pretty great adventures. 

But the last few years have also been some of the hardest in my life for other reasons - if you know me well enough to have my phone number, you are welcome to call me and find out the details of these problems. I'd consider it an opportunity to share more of myself with you, not you being nosy at all. For this forum, it will suffice to say that these problems have worn down my significant determination and left me tired of weathering storms and pushing through with sheer force of will. 

When I started this journey I only considered it initially because it was theoretically possible for me both to attend medical school and complete residency here in Oregon, where doing so would disrupt our lives the least. As things progressed I realized how competitive the process is and also tapped into my own ambition - what if I just did my best and went to the BEST school that would accept me? The focus also changed - medical school would be a way to get back East, back to my family, my chosen family and my dear ones who I have missed so much. This seemed like an opportunity to make that transition and I set my sights back East. 

But make plans and the Gods laugh, right? At the end of 3 harrowing years our prospects are looking up and things are looking good - right here in little old Portland. The idea of subjecting my self and my family to the known stresses of a cross country move (even to move *back* to a place we already know) gives me pause. It has taken some time, but we've built up a nice community for ourselves here, the kids have unique school opportunities, Tim has a fantastic job and we've managed other probems to the point that they are non-issues. It shocked me to realize as I was busy preparing myself to leave Oregon, I ended up making a pretty nice life here.

The med school application process is a long, drawn-out one - beginning for me in August (not counting the months of preparing my application to be ready for submission) and extending through this month. During it all, I have been humbled and amazed at the reaction from schools and my friends. There were a few disappointments - my top choice school rejected my application so quickly it would make your head spin, a program that I really liked on paper raised so many red flags during my interview I couldn't realistically consider it. But I was invited to interview at 6 schools and admitted to 5 of them. And my friends. Wow. The interest and enthusiasm and support have been overwhelming. I am really grateful for your likes and comments and support during this process. I am feeling the love! 

It turns out that figuring out which school is the "BEST" school is a trickier prospect than I anticipated. There are rankings and dollar signs, reputations and match results. But in the end the best advice was the first, most infuriating advice - find the school where you like the people the best, where you can best see yourself as a student, where you have the best "fit". (What is it supposed to mean? I think it is one of those things that only makes sense after you go through it. You just have to figure it out!)

Who I am and what I want to do with my medical career definitely fit best with one of the schools that admitted me - a school that values my unique, extended pathway toward medicine and shows it by admitting a lot of older students making career changes, a school that cares about physicians as healers and shows it by really teaching clinical skills and offering a lot of opportunities for and training in and evaluation of patient interaction, a school that supports academic medicine and research and has an excellent OB/GYN department (which offers water births, has a vaginal breech program, a strong nurse midwifery school and a head who is committed to cesarean reduction). This is not to say that this option is perfect - there are some down sides to picking this school - its facilities are not the newest and the curriculum is not systems- or problem-based learning. They have a graded scheme for the 1st and 2nd year instead of pass/no pass. It is far away from my family, chosen family and dear ones. 

Most of all, choosing this school demands that I choose whether or not I can abandon my preconceived notions of what medical school will look like, what it will offer me and how I will direct my life as a result of this process. In short, this choice demands that I relinquish control. Do I want to be the best doctor I can be or do I want things to work out the way I planned, the way I wanted? Do I just want to be right? For a couple of days now I've been carrying the decision around in my heart, seeing how it settled in. It seems to be doing just fine. 

All of this to say - In August I will be going to medical school at Oregon Health Sciences University, right here in Portland, OR. Isn't it funny how things turn out?